Author: Laura

Some people are just too much, as the story goes or too “extra,” in the parlance of today’s youth. That is, they are more than the status quo can take. They challenge the norms, they are unapologetic, and instead of rejecting it, as is often expected, they remain fiercely committed to their difference. Instead of embracing this attitude, we ridicule and we reject people who are too much.

However, isn’t it precisely those over-the-top people, those creative innovators, those “unruly” people, who are most needed in our world today?

Instead, we minimize, dismiss and marginalize those who don’t fit nicely into our binary definitions of whatever the issue may be. Not skinny? You’re too fat. Too thin? You’re anorexic. Too optimistic? You’re naïve. Too somber? You must be clinically depressed. Ask for what you want? Too pushy. Don’t ask? Not assertive enough.

While this binary-thinking problem afflicts the United States as a whole, it is perhaps most acutely on display when we talk about gender. Women who embrace their sexuality are too slutty. Women who refuse to succumb to prescribed notions for post-40s dress are too old. Women who lead are bossy. During the 2016 presidential campaign— and through all of her previous campaigns— Hillary Clinton was repeatedly described as “shrill” whenever she got animated about a topic. Yet, male candidates often talk loudly (and, as Donald Trump demonstrated during the debates) and over female candidates, this pejorative is not used to describe them.

And, before I am accused of some radical man-hating agenda, I completely acknowledge that women are part of the problem. Writing in Forbes in April 2012, Jenna Goudreau noted how women also find others who are too much to be intimidating. Women who happen to be attractive and also have a successful career and personal life are often persona non grata with other women. Popular culture contributes to this notion that if women with children happen to be successful in any realm outside of motherhood, they are instantly less likeable unless they are that rare breed of super-palatable celebrity moms, like Reese Witherspoon and Jessica Alba. The message is clear: Tone it down, don’t push too much, don’t achieve too much…don’t be too much.

The problem goes beyond a simple narrowness of identity. Rather, this view that anyone who is more than me is to be disregarded or reviled limits much needed social change. As Anne Helen Peterson wrote in her book Too fat, too slutty, too loud, these unruly people are the ones who help chip away at antiquated notions of femininity and masculinity. They challenge stereotypes and shatter glass ceilings. It is not people who play it safe who will be our leaders but those who take risks and persevere through pushbacks.

So, what if instead of making fun of the unruly people who are too-this or too-that, we asked what it is about our culture that bothers us so much about someone who smashes the either/or categorizations? What if we taught our kids that not only are people different from one another in terms of looks, interests and abilities but that success looks differently for everyone? In fact, what if we encouraged— no, really, not just in half-hearted, “be all you can be” mantras— all people to go for it? To pursue with passion what excites them? To wear what pleases them? To use their bodies as they desire?

That’s the kind of world I’m up for.

Laura Finley, Ph.D., teaches in the Barry University Department of Sociology

& Criminology and is syndicated by PeaceVoice.

As a huge fan of the Miami Heat, my heart was broken twice this summer: First, when the team was overwhelmed by the San Antonio Spurs to lose the 2014 NBA finals, and again when Lebron James announced he is leaving the team to return to his home, Cleveland, to play for the Cavaliers. Despite these disappointments, though, I believe that losing Lebron has much to teach us about dignity in the face of adversity, leadership and forgiveness— all important themes for peacemakers and peace educators.

First, throughout his years in Miami, and in particular during the 2014 NBA finals, Lebron James was the model of nonviolent response during incredibly tough moments. When Indiana Pacer Lance Stephenson tormented James physically and mentally, even at one point blowing in his ear in an attempt to get a rise, James responded by devoting himself to his game, playing harder but not retaliating physically. This is the type of resistance used by famous peacemakers like Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr.— it is not ignoring the affronts so much as channeling them into even greater commitment to the goal.

Second, Lebron James has modeled leadership on and off of the court. In addition to his obvious prowess with the basketball, he has helped catalyze renewed interest in using sports as a platform to challenge injustice. When African-American teenager Trayvon Martin was shot and killed by George Zimmerman, James and other Heat players led the way in protesting racial stereotyping and racial profiling by donning hooded sweatshirts while posing for team photos. No athlete was more outspoken in criticizing Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling’s racism and demanding action by the NBA. Further, James has been an important financial supporter of Boys and Girls Clubs and has contributed more than a million dollars worth of computers and athletic gear to disadvantaged youth through his Lebron James Family Foundation.

Third, Lebron James is demonstrating the importance of forgiveness in his return to Cleveland. When he left in 2010 to play for the Heat, Clevelanders reacted poorly, burning his jerseys in effigy. Cavs owner Dan Gilbert wrote a scathing letter in which he called Lebron “selfish,” “heartless,” and “callous” and referred to the decision as a “cowardly betrayal.” Gilbert guaranteed that his team would win an NBA title before the Heat, which of course did not happen. This letter even stayed on the team’s website for the last four years, only to be removed days before James’ decision to return to the Cavs. Despite this nastiness, however, Lebron James has been nothing but gracious and forgiving as he has explained his decision to return home. In his essay for Sports Illustrated, he commented only on the importance of family and roots, modeling the sort of forgiveness peace educators seek to inculcate.

In sum, I will miss seeing Lebron James in a Heat jersey as much as every other fan of the team. But I admire him for his values, his leadership and the gifts he shared with Miami. And, in another important reminder for peacemakers, I am viewing this change not as abandonment but rather as a chance to rebuild, to grow in a different direction, and to highlight that one individual is not a team.

Laura Finley, Ph.D., teaches in the Barry University Department of Sociology & Criminology and is syndicated by PeaceVoice.