ASK ALMA: I think my nephew is gay


Dear Alma,

I think my nephew is gay. I would even go so far as to say I know that he is gay. I don’t know why my sister, or his father or sisters and brothers can’t see it. This boy is gay and it’s time for him to come “out” and tell the truth. I don’t know if he is worried about what our family and friends might think or if he thinks we will no longer love him. I’m just not sure but things need to change and the truth has to be told. My sister acts like she is blind to this fact and is always talking about him and his many girlfriends. There’s no way this can be true or these friends are just that: friends that are girls, because he is gay. I am sick of it and ready to end the lies. I’m just tired of the charade. These girls are getting their hopes up and I know he is not interested in them. Our family needs to stop acting like he is not gay. I’m just not doing it anymore. How would you suggest I tell my sister she needs to wake up and just tell the truth?

— Aunt Bea

What! Wait! No, no indeed, this is not your issue. Quick, put it in reverse and back your way out of this personal and private state of affairs. Understand the need for you to stay in your lane, cause you’ve clearly crossed over the double yellow lines. Just because you think he’s gay doesn’t make him gay and just because you want to “out” him, doesn’t mean he’s ready to reveal is sexual preference – to you, his family or the rest of the world. Clearly to me, Aunt Bea, you’re about to overstep your boundaries.

Although I tried, I can’t resist asking, are you cray-cray? Why in the world would you even think this has anything to do with you? You are so waaay off course, so astronomically off the mark, I just can’t…breathe. Your mindset has me blown. So, please back off before you get more than your feelings hurt.

Hear me when I say, for the love of all things dipped in chocolate – back down, withdraw, and extract yourself from this situation. If just for this one time, sit on your behind and mind your own business. Your sister doesn’t need to wake up, you do. Wash your face and clean the thoughtlessness out of your eyes. The path set ahead for your nephew to follow, requires only one set of footprints, his. You are never, ever, invited, welcomed or called to cross it.

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and Twitter @almaaskalma.