Ask Alma: Boyfriend wants second chance


Dear Alma,

My boyfriend left me to be with another woman. It wasn’t the first time he’s cheated, but it is the first time he moved out. He came by last weekend and asked if he could come back. He confided in me that he wasn’t looking to cheat and that it just happened. He also said I had not been giving him the attention he needs and that’s the reason he thinks it happened so fast. I don’t’ want to lose him and I do want to do what’s necessary to make our relationship work. I’m not sure how to regain his trust. He asked me if he could still be friends with this woman and friends with the friends they made and he said he wouldn’t cheat on me again with her. I told him I’m not comfortable with that arrangement, but I just want to make sure I’m not being unreasonable. So how do I get him to see he has to meet me halfway and convince him we should go to counseling? I’m praying it all works out.


Dear Uncomfortable,

Are you being unreasonable: Noooo! Considering couples’ counseling and meeting halfway, girl, you betta breakaway! No, he can’t move back. As a matter of fact, change the locks to be certain he doesn’t still have a key.

Usually, I’m all for making it work, but this isn’t a relationship. This is a roommate situation with benefits. Since last night was not your last night, can you plaheeze snap out of it! Why on God’s green earth would you even consider begging, pleading, negotiating, conceding, for someone to be a part of your life, who clearly doesn’t want to?

Surprise yourself by being honest about why you’re allowing this type of guy to be your best companion. Don’t rush this process Sweetness, it may take several nights and several glasses of wine, you know what I’m sayin, LOL.

Number one on your agenda: don’t be afraid to be alone; participating in a bad relationship is not better than being single. Wondering if your man is cheating on you because he’s late getting home isn’t a common assumption within a positive, committed relationship. Here’s a word of wisdom: wise up and stop babysitting your womanizer. He will never be yours. There’s nothing worthwhile in this fishbowl of foolishness! Get out now while you still have options.

I’ll bet you a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts that if you cut your losses now and make room for someone who’s worth your time and energy, you’ll one day thank your lucky stars that your prayers were never answered. Take one step today and two steps tomorrow. You’ll be running before you know it, wind in your hair, sun on your back, finding your way to the corner of Freedom & Happiness! Good fun and good friends will be waiting for you when you get there. Self-love is mandatory in your life right now. I recommend two doses first thing every morning.


Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.